繪本與孩子─孩子會難搞、脾氣差,可是是因為他的心裡有很多事……

故事與孩子

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記得自己小時候,一段時間 就會被媽媽說……「嘰咧囡仔最近金高拐……」(這個孩子最近很難搞、很不乖),通常媽媽 講出這句話時也代表我可能會被她找機會修理一頓。我媽媽的主張是那種如果要修理小孩,就要好好的讓孩子留下「深刻印象」的那種,也就是因為印象太深刻了,所以對於被宣布自己很「高拐」的這件事,一直像個重要的習題,就這麼的擺進自己的腦袋裡,期望有一天,我可以找出自己小時候為什麼一段時間就需要「高拐」(難搞)的理由。

現今看來,一個小孩會難搞,大概就是他心裡面堆積的事~已經到了臨界點了……我在家排行老三,和排行老二的姊姊差了五歲,和排行老四的妹妹差了一歲多,這樣的年齡差距,對小時候的我,大概真的很挑戰。想跟哥哥、姐姐玩,可是能力差了一大截,所以心裡面的挫折應該很不少,除此之外,還得花挺多的力氣去生氣(嫉妒)小自己不太多的可愛妹妹,老三可以分配到的愛及時間本來就不太多,這下子又來了個小的,把媽媽不太多的愛及時間又分走一大堆(連奶都得留給妹妹喝)……沒有被好好看見、被理解的孩子,心裡就會變得「很有事」,這些不太好的事沒人知道,沒人幫忙化解、清除……所以孩子就愈來愈奇怪,愈來愈壞,然後時間點到了,就被大人以修理一頓的方式來解決一下~~

因為覺得自己根本不是壞小孩,所以對小時候被修理的事,很耿耿於懷,等到自己生了孩子之後,當然就決定不要用這樣魯莽的方式解決孩子的問題……當孩子的行為或態度變的怪怪的時候,大人在生氣之餘,可別只是 把腦筋動到「孩子就是 壞」,會「壞」更表示……孩子心裡有事,也許是有很多的挫折、有很多的委曲、有很多的難過、害怕、擔心……(這些東西從何而來~家庭、學校、課後的安親班、才藝課程……)這些五味雜成的感覺全堆積在心裡,小小的腦袋,不知該用什麼方法消除,唯一能做的~就只能像座活火山,把心裡的岩漿到處噴一噴,看會不會有人知道他的苦,幫幫他的忙嘍!

孩子有狀況,就是好狀況~不知該如何跟孩子談的父母,在這年代,可以找些相關題材的故事,陪孩子讀一讀。讀故事的目的,不是要藉著說故事之名,行說教之實,(這點請大家一定要小心)而是藉由故事情境的引導,如果孩子想到了什麼,也許在覺得父母是可以信賴的情況下,他們會說出點什麼事~孩子願意講出來就是好事,當然,有時候孩子所說的(也許關係到被老師罵、被同學取笑、欺侮……行為)大人也先別急著要幫孩子找回公道,應該要處理的,是孩子的心情。

孩子如果心裡難過,那就讓他們在你的懷裡哭一哭,如果覺得心裡委曲,也可以允許他們在你面前好好的罵一罵……孩子會遇到很糟的事,除了生氣或憤怒外,你或許更該去思考的是~自己是不是 真的太忽略孩子了,才會讓自己心愛的孩子,只能無助的在驚濤駭浪的環境裡~無助的漂來盪去。環境本來就驚險,但是我們可以讓自己變得更有本事及力量,好去面對環境的刁難及挑戰~

幫助孩子,其實更是幫助自己~也或許在陪伴孩子的過程中,你可以去想起自己小的時候,也許也曾經面對某些狀況卡了關,當時沒能力或沒勇氣面對的事,現在透過孩子的陪伴,你可以重新的去面對、去思考、去整理……任何事都不會太遲,為了孩子,更為了自己,勇敢的學習吧!

我的願望:天天不挨罵

https://www.kidsbook.com.tw/books/view_book.asp?id=9844

史賓奇生悶氣

https://www.kidsbook.com.tw/books/view_book.asp?id=10628

派弟是個大披薩

https://www.kidsbook.com.tw/books/view_book.asp?id=8019

我的帽子

https://www.kidsbook.com.tw/books/view_book.asp?id=7861

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