孩子的病與大人應該的看見─一位想用72招式殺死爸爸的小孩

粉絲專頁備份

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在今年農曆過年前,一位媽媽來電表示,她想買小書蟲收集、推薦的情緒繪本,因為她的孩子是亞斯柏格症的小孩,透過治療師的建議,想找一些關於情緒的故事,看能不能幫助到孩子。

雖然只是透過電話,但媽媽說話的方式與音調,讓我感覺可以多跟她聊一下,我在聽完她告知我孩子的狀況及她如何帶孩子接受治療的種種後,我便多嘴了一句說:「別太高估了眼前治療的成果,我曾知道一個孩子,從幼稚園被認定是亞斯之後,媽媽便尋求了所有可治療的資源,每天在下班後(如果上課治療的時間上無法配合,也會不吝嗇的向公司請假),孩子到處東奔西跑,她的盡心盡力,絕對可以頒獎給她,只是成長路上被許多專業資源一路矯正到大的孩子,卻是在高中階段,選擇以自殺的方式結束生命……」我把我在書店裡的看見與她分享,希望可以讓她有不同的思考方向。

媽媽聽我這麼一說,表達她有被我的話震憾到,我不是想嚇死她,只是想讓她知道,除了看到孩子的問題,也要有能力省思與孩子一起過生活的大人,是否也是個問題源,如果環境中的大人有問題卻不檢討與修正,只是叫孩子要成為乖乖聽話,不惹麻煩(不能丟大人臉)的人,那這種治療,絕對無法成為真正健康及正確的治療。

對於我的提醒,媽媽似乎還挺能接受,(沒有覺得我雞婆而翻臉)於是我們便約了時間,因為她想親自到書店把書帶回家,我告訴她,自己會用我的真心幫她挑些合適的故事,只要她願意信賴我。

約定的那一天,她和先生及二個孩子,一起出現在店裡,我其實是一個不怎麼喜歡和爸爸打交道的人,因為很多男人的心,都關得緊緊的,不過那一天,那位被醫生認證是亞斯柏格症的孩子,倒是因著他的天真胡言亂語,讓爸爸僘開了心房。

孩子說了什麼呢?讀小一的那位孩子,一進門就熱情的開始找我說話,一般的小孩,遇見第一次見面的人,通常會是害羞的,他的熱情讓我感覺不太尋常,所以,我專心的看著他,聽聽看他說什麼。他告訴我,他有很厲害的武功 如果在學校遇見有人欺侮他,他就用武功打他們,我問他:「你打同學,這樣老師會放過你嗎?」他說:「我會連老師一起打…」接著他又告訴我,他會七十二種招式,他就是用七十二種招式,把爸爸殺死了。」

聽到這「不可思議」(大逆不道)的話,我還真有被嚇到,我持續跟孩子對話,我問他,你這麼討厭你爸爸嗎?不然幹嘛要殺死他?他沒有回答我是不是真的討厭,只是繼續跟我說他的七十二招,一下子就讓爸爸死翹翹了,我用眼角偷瞄一下站在一旁的爸爸,看他有沒有因孩子的話開始變臉,結果還好,看起來頗淡定,我覺得我該跟孩子結束對話了,所以我就問孩子說~如果你爸爸真的被你打死了,那站在那裡的那個爸爸,不就是鬼了。(不過我覺得孩子應該聽不懂我的幽默)接著我拿了一個可以暫時吸引孩子的玩具,讓他和弟弟玩耍去了。

面對孩子很忠於原味的「天真」的行為,在現場的三個大人,應該都頗尷尬才是,我轉頭看了一下媽媽,問她孩子是不是有玩電腦遊戲,所以對於現實生活裡,應該要嚴肅看待的生死問題,才會表現的那樣無感,媽媽有點不好意思的承認,她們有時確實會讓手機成為孩子的保姆,因為身邊的朋友們,大家都是這樣做的……(手機確實有讓孩子瞬間變安靜的魔力,但手機的效果,就像讓孩子吸了毒一樣,副作用的傷害是很大的)

現今「有狀況」的孩子,不論是孩子自己或家長,都有屬於不同層次的心理困境,當孩子在外面的行為遭到不明瞭的人異樣眼光看待時,當父母的,其實心情也好不到哪去啦!有時陌生人的眼神,會成為孩子回家後被大人修理的合理因素,所以如果真心關愛每一個孩子的大人,就知道自己謹慎的一舉一動,是如何重要了(連眼神都得很小心),我和那孩子在對話時,我的一舉一動也成了那孩子父母觀察的重點,不過我本來就不喜歡用各式專有名詞來分類孩子,我面對的是他們「當下」的狀態,「當下」也許是過去的累積,卻也不見得就絕對代表未來,或許就是因著這份的輕鬆,讓本來站在一旁,表情嚴肅的父親,願意缷下心防,成為可以聊天的人。

在與他們對話的過程中,從媽媽口中得知,爸爸其實是偏心(比較愛老二)又會打小孩(打老大)的人,爸爸說他自己,打從一開始,就不應該生小孩,因為他自己的父親,就是個令孩子畏懼的大人,不過我告訴他,如果不是他的同意,小孩是沒本事來投胎的,所以能成為父親,也是自己的願意,既然願意,就別再亂找理由,想逃避父親該有、該做的學習,如果想讓自己好過一點,想讓孩子回歸正常一點,大人該有的看見與改變~請努力。

孩子的病,誰才會是最好、最有效的治療者呢?當每個人都盡力的好自己該做的事時(父母得有自己應該的樣子)~人與世界會自然的健康啦!

爸爸你愛我嗎?

https://www.kidsbook.com.tw/books/view_book.asp?id=12539

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” 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